Calgary Handyman With Hustle. No Laundry.
I am for sale. Right now.
Message me, share me or both. We will discuss pricing that is fair for both of us. I probably won’t be the cheapest on here but I am the best at something. (I will let you know what it is as soon as I figure it out)
- Dump runs: Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk? (I can take the trunk to the dump as well)
- Pooper scooper: Sometimes, when I’m nervous, I take a deep breath of fresh air only to realize that I am surrounded by dog poop and it stinks. You don’t want that so let me take one for the team.
- Handyman Jobs: Just call me “Dan the Handyman Who Can”. (except instead of Dan call me Shawn) (Patent pending…ish)
- Handyman Jobs Include, but are not limited to:
- Picture hanging. So straight that your house might seem crooked.
- Dishwasher Installation. (Dirty dished not included)
- IKEA furniture assembly. (Just like the store offers but with a smile)
- Yard work; Lawn mowing (mini-me included on weekends), raking and all-around yard cleanery. You, me, mini-me, every second Sat. It could be like a date, except you pay me and I cut your grass. (Not applicable in winter)
- Laundry; I don’t do that
- Hockey companionship; you supply the wings and beer and I’ll watch the game with you. (Ideally someplace public. This is 2019 after all.
- I do tricks; I do a mean disconnect my thumb and reattach it. Tricks 3 out of 5 toddlers 80% of the time. NEW TRICK: I can now pull off your toddler’s nose and connect it to my face (Odds of your toddler being tricked are roughly the same) The trick usually only works once. No refunds for unsatisfied toddlers.
- Modeling; I’m bringing sexy back. (I can also be your hair, hand, eyebrow and foot model. Actual sexiness may vary)
- My ad is like Odo on Deep Space Nine, always shapeshifting. Come back for added comments.
- Package delivery. They call me the Transporter. I am just like Jason Statham. (Only shorter, fatter and with more hair. We both have chiseled calves though.) No questions asked. (Unless the package is screaming/ticking)
- Airport Pickup and Dropoff: Need help with all that luggage, all that luggage in your trunk? Worried about having a random pick you up? Call the Shawninator for all your aviator needs. (Pricing is for luggage transportation only. You are more than welcome to catch a free ride)
- They say that hard work won’t kill you, but do you really want to take that chance?
– Shawn is handy to have roundhouse. – Chuck Norris
– There is no one I would rather have in my corner – Mohammad Ali
– If I still had 30 pieces of silver, I’d give it to Shawn – Judas
*Disclaimer* – I am not responsible in whole or in part for people’s comments and actions on my ad. Viewer discretion is advised.
*Disclaimer 2.0* – If anyone contacts you claiming to be a friend of mine or sent by me then they are lying. Any recommendations or introductions I make will be directly from me.
*Disclaimer 3.0* – Insert something funny here.