One of the best things about your friends and family finally having their own children is that you get to buy them presents! Not the parents, no, the kids. The kind of presents that the kids enjoy, but the parents do not. Annoying toys but ones which the kids will really love. Imagine the parents seeing their kids eyes light up with joy when they unwrap a new gift, then finding out that has the batteries are screwed in and there’s no off switch. Ever step on a LEGO? LEGO makes a great gift. Who wants a drum set? You can see where this is going. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, milestones or for no reason at all are good times to send gifts which they’ll never forget.
Below are some suggestions we’ve come up with to help inspire your future gift giving. Everything linked to is Amazon.
When you start playing this game, it will very likely escalate. Your father-in-law will especially take great pride in getting you back, one way or another. Also watch out for the grandparents — they may look innocent but they’ve been around for a while and know how to play these mind games better than you ever will.
Do not start what you cannot finish!
Extra Evil Tips
- Blame Amazon for mixing up your order ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
- More than one kid? Buy something nice they’ll have to share, like a video game console
- Buy multiple copies of a single TV show episode so it’ll be watched on repeat
- Look for things that can’t be turned off or have the batteries removed easily
- If it’ll break easy, maybe get a few of them
- Look for lots of accessories
- The less it works without the accessories, the better
- Ask yourself – does it smear? Maybe get extra
Art & crafts are legitimately a great gift but can also be quite annoying. Kids will spend hours making all sorts of random creations exploring the limits of their imagination, plus for the younger kids it’ll help improve their hand-eye coordination and assist with developing motor skills. Parents love art too, and it’s really fun to live vicariously through your children as you get your hands dirty making crafts and spending time together. Someone has to clean it all up though. Every. Single. Time. The more pieces it has, the more fun it’ll be to clean up and put away, especially if pieces only fit back inside box in a specific order. Something to think about: what happens if the kids get into it by themselves and they make a huge mess?
- Air Marker Sprayer Set
- 650+pcs beads jewelry making kit
- 600+pcs create your own bead pets kit
- 800+pcs make charm bracelets kit
- Rainbow Loom
- 2 LBS of National Geographic Play Sand
- 75 pack resin jewelry making kit
- 22000 perler beads
- 24000 mini multi-coloured bead kit
- 5000 aqua beads set
Big daddy. Not really an ‘annoying toy’ so much as the embodiment of the word annoying, some new parents may not have seen or heard of Caillou, or if they have, they aren’t aware of what awaits them. While seemingly an excellent gift at first, once their parent brain absorbs the things Caillou says and does, they will understand. He’s a whiney, selfish, mean, rude, spoiled little brat, to put it nicely. Caillou has no redeeming qualities, neither the show or the kid. It’s not educational, just distracting. Thankfully by the time they realize what an awful cartoon it is, it’ll be too late and forever burned into their synapses. In short, Caillou sucks. Caillou sucks and that’s why they cancelled him. Best part? Their kid probably won’t remember any of it. At best they’ll just remember that Caillou exists but they won’t be allowed to watch it.
From the National Post:
“Caillou is a drug, essentially: A child-silencing narcotic. And like all harmful drugs, it plunges the user into a netherworld of selfish, tweaked-out behaviour that is destructive to themselves and those around them.” article
- 24″ plush Caillou doll
- Gilbert, Caillous’s cat plush
- Caillou Collection Vol 1 (DVD, Bilingual)
- Caillou Collection Vol 2 (DVD, Bilingual)
- Caillou Collection Vol 3 (DVD, Bilingual)
- Caillou Collection Vol 4 (DVD, Bilingual)
- Caillou’s Christmas (DVD, Bilingual)
- Caillou’s Neighborhood (DVD, Bilingual)
- Caillou’s Holiday Movie (DVD, Bilingual)
- Caillou’s Halloween (DVD, Bilingual)
- Caillou’s Imagination (DVD, Bilingual)
- Caillou’s Water Fun (DVD, Bilingual)
- My Cowboy Collection 2-in-1 Jigsaw Puzzle
Back in the day, before internet and video games, board games were all the rage. Classic games are a lot of fun and most of them aren’t directly annoying, however indirectly they can be quite frustrating. Pieces go missing, games need to be set up, things break, patience can wear thin quickly. Ever play Jenga? Connect 4? Fun to play but not as fun to set up, over and over. You’ll never believe where Battleship pegs can end up. Monopoly is a good one too, no matter who plays it there will be arguments and someone pissed off. Sure is fun though. Parents will enjoy playing the various classic games with their kids at least a couple of times, but after that, ehh..
- Don’t break the ice
- Ants in the pants
- Connect 4
- Trivial Pursuit
- Toysmith marbles + tin (160)
Back in the 80’s, every kid had a corn popper, and at least one Fisher-Price telephone. They aren’t as popular these days due to millennial parents understanding they’re not really something they want to have in their home, but receiving it as a gift for kiddo will certainly bring over a wave of nostalgia. Corn poppers do two things: be loud and annoying. Kids push them around as if it were a vacuum cleaner, causing a mechanism to pop up little balls against the plastic dome, making noise. Over and over and over and over again. Toddlers love them and will run them around the house all day long if they could. The faster they push them, the faster the balls pop up, so it actually is a good way to keep them active. It’s loud though. It’ll drive anyone crazy.
Every kid loves dinosaurs and you probably love dinosaurs too, or at least enjoy them from time to time. Unless you’re at a funeral or attending court, you can never go wrong with gifting people some dinosaurs. These days there are some pretty fun and ridiculous dinosaur themed toys so you have lots of options. Ever step on a little plastic dino? Ouch, better not get them hundreds of those or something.
- 21 Piece Dinosaur Toys with Realistic Dinosaur Figures Playset
- 4-pk Giant Inflatable Dinosaurs
- 72 Piece Mini Plastic Dinosaurs
- Inflatable T-rex Costume
- Jurassic World Colossal Tyrannosaurus Rex 3 Feet Long
- Jurassic World Super Colossal Velociraptor
- Stegosaurus Corpse
- Tyrannosaurus Rex Corpse
- T-Rex Headlamp for Kids With Realistic Dino Roar Sounds
- T-Rex With Movable Jaw AND Tenontosaurus Carcass
Sewing, knitting and cross-stitch DIY kits sure do sound great in theory but it takes a very specific kind of kid to actually enjoy using them. They’ll learn how to thread needles, tie knots, following patterns and make all sorts of fun designs and creations, plus they’ll be set for life with the skills they pick up. Theoretically. What will likely happen is they’ll open it, try ‘doing it’ for 5 minutes, give up then ask their parents to do it, or just abandon it entirely. Well shit.
- Cat sock animal kit
- Cross Stitch stamped embroidery kit
- Sew your own furry llama pillow
- Sew your own mini-garden
- Beginners Knitting Kit
- 85 piece Katech Crochet Hooks Set with Case
If there’s one thing kids have always enjoyed, typically to the dismay of mothers everywhere, it’s beating the shit out of each other with cool karate weapons and other fun battle gear. Back in my day we’d just hit each other with sticks and rubber tubing found outside but these days with the power of the internet there’s so many cheap fun things you can buy, kids are so lucky. All in good fun!
- Star Wars Scream Saber Lightsaber
- 2x Socker Bopper inflatable boxing gloves
- Set of 2x foam Nunchakus
- Set of 2x rubber training nunchakus
- Polypropylene training samurai sword
- Everlast Power Core freestanding heavy bag
- The Legend of Zelda: Master Sword (plus shield)
- Imitation Hulk Hands
- Brazilian Jiu Jitsu grappling dummy
Did you ever have a Furby? If you did, you’ll understand why they’re on this list of annoying toys. If you never had a Furby, you do not understand how annoying they can be. They sometimes turn on by themselves. They’re loud. They can mimic you, and communicate with other furbies. They’re actually very cool, but, annoying for sure. Kids really love them. These days the Furby can interact with phone apps too, which is fun and freaky. If you get 2x of them, they’ll chat with each other.
- Star Wars Furbacca
- Furby Connect (Blue)
- Furby Connect (Orange)
- Suduone Owl plush talking toy (knock off)
Buying glitter as a gift is taking things to another level and should not be used unless you are ready for the revenge play that follows. Glitter should really only be used in emergencies, or if you’re the one enacting the sweet revenge. These days it comes in all lots of different colours, in kits, in craft bundles, and you can even get it ‘extra fine’ flavour. Serious: buying glitter could legitimately ruin relationships – know your audience!
- 1 pound of iridescent glitter
- 4oz jar of Pacon Spectra Glitter Sparkling Crystals, Purple
- 54 tubes of craft glitter
- 2oz tub of ultra-fine pink glitter
- 8 boxes of holographic ‘mermaid dreams’ chunky glitter
- 1oz bubblegum pink extra fine glitter
- 30 luxury colours of ultra fine, large, & chunky glitter
- Unicorn Snot Holographic Body Glitter
No list of annoying toys is complete without Hungry Hungry Hippos, the classic “not in my goddamn house” toy. It’s loud, obnoxious, and really fun to play for all ages. It can be played alone (smashing is fun) but is better with multiple people. Perhaps kiddo will ask their parents to play? It’s obnoxiously loud and no parent can tolerate more than a couple rounds of kids screaming and smashing Lucifer’s hammers before putting a stop to all the fun. According to the comments on Amazon, this Hasbro brand Hungry Hungry Hippos toy is kind of flimsy and cheaply made but it should get the point across. If it ends up breaking, the balls will end up all over the place, and they really hurt to step on.
They only come with around 20 balls so I’d recommend buying several dozen extras, just in case.
- Hungry Hungry Hippos game
- Hungry Hungry Hippos Grab & Go Game
- Hungry Frogs version
- 60 balls or 120 balls
LEGO isn’t ‘annoying’ exactly, in fact quite the opposite it’s a damn blast to play with, but indirectly, as a parent, LEGO is annoying af. The best thing with LEGO, you don’t need to get anything specific because it will all end up in one of two places: either in the big LEGO bucket with everything else, or under the fridge. And they all hurt like hell to step on. If you buy them a LEGO set, unique pieces will go missing and they too will just get added to the general LEGO bucket in the closet. Depending on your budget, Minecraft LEGO for a kid who loves Minecraft will make them super happy, so it might be worth it over traditional bulk piece. Also, LEGO sets pieces can break, some more easily than others. It may also start a chain of events that lead to the parents buying even more LEGO sets. Could be amusing.
- 1500 classic LEGO bricks
- LEGO Creator Expert Roller Coaster
- Harry Potter LEGO sets
- LEGO Nintendo Entertainment System
- Minecraft LEGO sets
- NASA LEGO Apollo Saturn V Rocket
- Star Wars LEGO sets
- Star Wars LEGO Imperial Star Destroyer
Megaphones make a great annoying gift because they’re legitimately fun to play with and very loud, especially the ones that come with built in voice changers and the pretend police sirens. Something important to remember: megaphones are in fact megaphones so the novelty of listening to that shit will wear off pretty quickly. Unless it gets taken away straight up, it’ll for sure magically go missing from the kids bedroom when they’re sleeping but guaranteed they’ll have a lot of fun with it first. Also, consider getting the kid a real megaphone vs a toy one, it’ll be more hilariously fun for everyone, and some of them you can connect your iPod/phone to and play music — what a great gift.
- 6″ Black Plastic Hollywood Movie Director Megaphone
- Kids Safari Outback Megaphone with Siren
- Pyle-Pro 50-Watts Professional Dynamic Megaphone
- Portable Pink Megaphone Siren Bullhorn
- Pyle Megaphone Speaker PA Bullhorn
- Road Rage Megaphone (toy, meant for adults)
- VTech Paw Patrol Megaphone & Voice Changer
- Wireless rechargeable voice amplifier with headset
- Police Megaphone For Kids – Blue
- Minions: The Rise of Gru Fart ‘N Fire Super-Size Blaster
- 48 mini plastic whistle megaphones
Kids love to make music and the more vibrant and passionate they are while doing it, the better. Musical instruments are the classic dickish uncle gift but kids sure do genuinely love them, and you might just inspire them to really learn how to play. Wouldn’t you have loved a drum set as a kid? A nice flute? A real acoustic guitar? They can’t just throw those away you know. These days thanks to the power of the internet there are a LOT more instruments to choose from, though the traditional options always work too. You never know, you might just spark a lifelong love of music, despite buying it to be an annoying toy.
- 6 Foot Musical Floor Keyboard
- Meowsic Keyboard
- Electronic drumsticks
- 7 Inch Steel Cowbell
- A Banjo
- Acoustic Guitars
- Pan Flutes
- Steel Tongue Drum
- Thumb Pianos
- Electronic drum set
- Electronic drum set (for younger kids)
- Slide whistle
- Plastic 12 hole Ocarina
I mean, Nerf Guns are pretty self explanatory, right? What an awesome gift.
- Nerf N-Strike Elite HyperFire Blaster
- Nerf N-Strike Elite Disruptor (2 Pack)
- 500 extra Nerf Gun darts
- 1000 extra Nerf Gun darts
- Nerf Elite Dart Rover (it picks up darts)
- Nerf Fortnite Microshots Llama
- Nerf Fortnite SMG-E Blaster
- Nerf Fortnite Rocket Launcher
- Nerf Fortnite AR-L Elite Dart Blaster
- Nerf Overwatch D.Va Rival Blaster
- Nerf MicroShots Overwatch D.Va
- Super Commando Gatling Blaster
- Nerf Dude Perfect Signature Bow
- Electronic shooting target with auto reset
- Nerf Rival Nemesis MXVII-10K
- Nerf Rival Phantom Corps Hades XVIII-6000
- Nerf Grenade (foam balls sold separately)
Always a great choice, Play-Doh is the ultimate form of a passive aggressive gift of destruction. Kids will love smashing it into the rug, smearing it inside speaker grills and it always ends up a huge brown dried up mess for someone else to clean up (also it will be full of hair). “Why the hell did you buy that?” they’ll say. Kids love Play-Doh, chill out.
There’s way more than just regular ‘Play-Doh’ these days too, you have so much more variety of substances to choose from. Slime, Kinetic sand, magnetic goo and so much more. They each come with their own pros and cons but the ending is always the same.
- 7.2 pounds of non-toxic coloured sand (6 big jars)
- Play-Doh Compound Corner Variety 6 Pack
- Play-Doh Mega Pack (36 cans)
- Play-Doh Modeling Compound School Pack (48 cans)
- Play-doh Fun Pack (50 cans)
- Kinetic Sand, 3.25lbs Beach Sand
- National Geographic Blue Play Sand, 2lbs, molds + tray
- National Geographic Pink Play Sand, 2lbs, molds + tray
- DIY Crystal Clay Slime Kit, 86 pieces
- Unicorn Slime Science Kit, 46 pieces
- 35 cans of slime 😈 😈 😈
Do they have a yard? Kids love outdoor playhouses. The bigger, the better. Playhouses come in all shapes and sizes too, such as kitchens, cabins, tents, pretend houses and jungle gyms. This is one of those gifts that parents really appreciate having to put it together. At first they’re a wonderful gift, they will enjoy playing pretend, making imaginary pizza, playing house, jumping in-and-out and roughhousing as kids do, but over time they will lose interest. If it’s an outdoor playhouse, it’ll likely be damaged by the elements. Eventually it’ll end up in the corner of their yard, dirty and falling apart and they’ll need to deal with getting rid of it. The kids will have had a great time but no longer care. Fun!
If they don’t have a yard, ask if the kids want one for their bedroom. It’ll be such a nuisance.
- Kids 5 in 1 indoor/outdoor tent and ball pit + pack of 200 balls
- Little Tikes Jr. Jump ‘n Slide Bouncer
- Little Tikes Home Grown Kitchen + 40 piece cookware set
- Little Tikes Princess Cape Cottage Playhouse, Pink
- 79 piece Pretend Food Playset
- 81 piece STEM Toys Glow in The Dark Fort Building Kit
- Skywalker Sports Modular Jungle Gym with Accessories
Puzzles have a love/hate existence. You generally don’t find people on the fence if they want to either go out partying or stay in doing puzzles. Most kids would rather do just about anything else other than put a puzzle together, which is why they make the perfect gift. Not even the strongest willed kid will have the patience to do a giant frustrating puzzle with a design on it they don’t care about. I wonder, do they even have room for a huge puzzle? Will you inspire a lifetime of love or hatred for puzzles? These are all valid questions.
- 1000 piece Archie puzzle
- 1000 piece round gradient rainbow
- 1000 piece Galison “Love Lives Here” puzzle
- 1000 piece micro jigsaw puzzle “pure white hell”
- 1000 piece Pokémon puzzle
- 3000 piece Harry Potter puzzle
- 4000 piece World Map puzzle
- The World’s Most Difficult Puzzle Sweet Shop
- Mechanical 3D Wooden Puzzle Model Kit
- Mechanical 3D Wooden Owl Clock Puzzle Kit
- Disney Museum 9000 Piece Jigsaw puzzle
- Colorful owl wooden jigsaw puzzle
- 80 piece plastic jigsaw puzzle
Did you have either of these as a kid? I had both, though I enjoyed the trains way more. Race tracks and train sets are both really great gifts and kids will love them for sure, even if they aren’t a cell phone screen. It doesn’t really matter what you get, they’ll piece it together in fun and interesting ways, building tunnels and hideouts while the entire room gets taken over. Over time however, one of two things will happen: they’ll either lose interest and it will take up space in the closet, or they’ll absolutely fall in love with them and require additional pieces, addons, extras, replacement tracks, train conventions and so on. If you’re in Calgary, Trains And Such has lots of stuff!
- 12 Piece Wooden Train Box + 52 Piece extra tracks
- Bachmann Trains Rail Chief Electric Train Set
- Hot Wheels 50-Car Pack
- Hot Wheels Criss Cross Crash Motorized Track Set
- Hot Wheels Car & Mega Track Pack
- Hot Wheels Sky Crash Tower Track Set
- Fisher-Price Thomas & Friends Super Station with over 35 feet of track
- Fisher-Price Thomas & Friends Talking Thomas & Percy Train Set
- Thomas & Friends MINIS 20-Pack of Train Engines
- Wooden Train Whistle
A Rainbow Loom is an invention someone made and as a parent I hate it so much. It’s a plastic tool that you wrap tiny elastic bands around pegs over and over to create bracelets and jewelry and charms and other things like that. Kids will enjoy it long enough to maybe make 1 bracelet, then it’ll end up spilled down the back of a dresser somewhere. Hundreds of tiny rubber bands all over the place. It’s not a bad gift if you’ve got a couple kids at a campground for a few days to keep occupied but as a gift for home, it’ll likely just end up a mess. Who knows though, perhaps the kid will enjoy it and make dozens of rubber-band bracelets.
- 1 pound bag of regular rubber-bands
- 15000 colorful rubber loom bands refill kit
- 12000 rubber bands/charms refill kit
- 8000 rubber bands bucket
- Rainbow Loom Combo Set
- Rainbow Loom Upgrade Kit
- 1100 Jewelry Making Bead Kit
- 300 s-clip rubber-band connectors
If you’ve never used one, a rock tumbler is a device used to smooth the edges off of rocks, for things like jewelry, crafts, ornaments, fish tanks or other things like that. It works by literally tumbling the rocks around in a solution of water and fine metal grit, using the power of erosion to shape normal rocks into super smooth pebbles and ‘gemstones’. Rock tumblers do the same thing to rocks as the ocean does, just much faster. They’re really fun! Unfortunately, simply by the way they work, they need to be plugged in and running for 24/7, and they’re loud. Really, really, annoyingly loud. It also takes several weeks to work. Erosion isn’t quick hey. Rock tumblers make the perfect annoying gift. Imagine being a fly on the wall when mom and dad see their kid open one of these things.
- 3.28 pounds rock polishing grit media
- Dan & Darci Rock Tumbler Grit Refill Kit
- National Geographic rough gemstone refill kit
- National Geographic extra large capacity rock tumbler
- National Geographic starter rock tumbler kit
- Advanced Rock Tumbler Kit – with digital polishing timer & 3 speed settings
- Elenco Discovery Planet Rock Tumbler Refill Kit
- Leegol Electric Rotary Rock Tumbler – Double Drum
- 4 lbs Natural stone madagascar rough stone mix – Large size
Buying annoying toys for other peoples kids is a really fun hobby, if it’s done in good spirits. Don’t buy something for someone if you know they’ll just freak out and act like a baby, know your audience. The most important thing are the kids are taken care of, for reals. We hope this list has helped you come up with some fun ideas! Good luck soldier.
— Are we missing anything? Drop in a comment below!
Crackmacs are a team of Calgary based bloggers, writing about and sharing food, drinks, things to do, events, contests, charities, travel/tourism, parenting, politics, lifestyle and all kinds of other content.